Hi my name is Jennifer..Well Jen. I am 33 years old and I have a soon to be 3 year old precious little daughter. I am from Chicago but live in Texas now for 15 years
My ex- husband and I have been separated since April and Divorced since August 08. We sold our house that we built just 3 years ago and my daughter and I moved into an apartment close to where I work (I am a paralegal). I guess I mean I have never posted on any blog website etc. So I am just in need of some support from women like me or have gone through what I am going through and have gone through. I am having a hard time adjusting to so many changes. 4 years ago I lost my mother to lung cancer she was 57 years old and my best friend. Once I lost my mother I held so tight onto my husband all of my family and friends were praising my ex husband saying Jen needs you more than ever and thank god Jen has you. I really was ready to start my life with him. Like really start. We had been married just 3 years. However we talked about moving into a house starting a family so I knew God had a plan for me and that was what my mom would want this. So a few months after she passed away we started to build our first home and when we moved in I was so excited and happy sad becuase I wanted my mom there but I knew she was with me. We started to try to have a baby. Things were really looking up. Except one night we had a little house party My ex asked me to get his phone so I did and for some reason I looked at it which I serioulsy never did that ever. But something came over me And what I found was just devastating it changed my life. Women...Meeting up with women....I was shocked and just crushed..I of course confronted him about it all Him and his friend tried to lie about and make me look like I was some fool. He wasn't begging for my forgiveness he told me it was not sex or anything that he was doing just talking. And that it was a one time thing that they never met up that they just talked texted. Well I decided you know its ok we just moved into our house its a mistake..Well not 2 weeks later I saw his laptop and opened up and to find even more crushing things pics of women tons of women texting about him with this girl hotel rooms his friends laughing nudy pictures texts from this girl..Well it was the summer my mother was sick/dying...I was just mortified I confronted him he denyed it of course but never begged me..So I reached out to the girl and she told me he was telling her we were getting a divorce and that we were seperated..When I was at the MD Anderson with my mother She had only cancer 2 months before she passed. I asked if they had sex or etc She said ask your husband. When I did he say no..But I did not beleive him. When I confronted him he was not begging me to stay he knew he did wrong I was going to file for divorce I mean how could someone do that to someone they love and to my mom. She loved him too. It was just absilutyu heartbreaking..In the meantime I really thought I could forgive him going to church talking to my dad..Then I found out 2 weeks later I was pregnant. So its like what do I do...My brain became consumed with my soon to be daughter.. I thought again that it was meant to be that that was the past move on...Well my ex still did not stop hanging out with these softball people he was gone all the time playing softball I worked took care of my daughter.The resentment and anger that I had buitl up I would beg him to stop playing softball seeing his Facebook posts all these women I did not know likfing his stuff It made me crazy and I didnt want to be that way but I thought he would change But he didnt it got worse We lacked communcation sex I didnt even respect him I didnt even care about him. So I exploded one night saying things I should not have..But I was having my suspsecions he was having an affair...So did my aunt and brother...Well after that night is when things got worse I tried to apologize talk however he did not want to..I wanted to at least go to cousenling he did not he filed April 1 told me he filed April 11 only becuase he came home that morning at 6 am staying out all night..I was just so upset angry I mean so angry.. I mean dont get me wrong I wasnt the best wife either I kicked him out the nights before I said mean things to him I didnt want to have sex I was so bitter and angry he didnt change, but I should have not expected it but I really thought he would have but I mean could you blame me..So from that point on I tried but he said it was too late..So we sold our house and in the meantime our dog 12 years old got breast cancer and passed away..So to say the least its been a horryfing stressful year..And to top it off the girl I was supscious of in February now is his girflriend and they moved into a house..Also, none I mean none of his family or friends well our friends has reached out to me none...So Im just overwhelmed..Why am I the one that is so hurt and sad and depressed when he is the one that hurt me..I feel like I have been dumped my daughter and I dumped and he is a good dad when he chooses to be he doesnt always see her on his time..And he always wants to switch weekends becuase he has stuff and I tell him no..Which I am trying to stand my ground but then I am not allowing my daughter to see her dad so thats a tough call too.. In four years Ive lost my mother my husband my dog and my home..and my ex has just moved on like nothing and my girlfriends say he moved on a long time ago and I understand that but its just so hard.. I feel like I am being punished for something I didnt start and hes living the american dream.. Not to mention him and his grifleind have my daughter her son like a big family. And my girlfirends are having their second kid or pregnant with their second kid married so its like what do I do when I dont have my daughter I dont do bars anymore and Im not the type to join groups So i just I dont know what to do? I am kinda lost at this point..